Click here to read the original review
18 November 2016
Well, there’s wrong and then there’s outright reputation-ruin. From my prediction of “a dignified Top 5 chart position and plenty of airplay”, I was at least 50% wrong. If you, the reader, were to scoff that I was in fact 100% wrong and if this were to occur at a moment when I, the sullied, were feeling a little sensitive/teary/hungover, then I would perhaps break and concede the sheer totality of my wrongness. But in my defence, the song did get a good bit of airplay. That just didn’t last very long, especially as it became painfully clear that the song was, chartwise, a non-starter. It’s really not possible to write the song stats without a wince of Melania Trump proportions: it stayed in the Top 100 for two weeks, reaching a peak position of 72. Top 5 it was not.
At this point I feel that I should point out that I am usually not so horrifically off-the-mark with these things. I pride myself on having a certain sixth sense (and way too much time on my hands) to know that an All-Saints mellow-R&B reunion will end in tears while a garagey track featuring the lyric “Craig David: all over your boop, yeah!” will yield an altogether more successful revival. When it comes to the UK pop charts in 2016, I like to think that I know my slick Biebers from my wet Puths (*raises eyebrow to the camera). So for Meteorite to make so insignificant a blip on the pop world is really quite baffling to me and to all the other 12 year-old children who sometimes touch themselves when they think of Olly … should I eliminate the word “other” from that sentence?
So if any enlightened soul can suggest a reason for such a dismal performance, do please let me know. Was it indeed the lack of buzz due to the fact that this wasn’t an album track? Was there too little overlap between fanbases for Bridget and Olly? Did Ellie Goulding steal their thunder by being first off the starting blocks, cementing Falling for you as the lead Bridget single? It’s really not fair when you think about it: Olly dancing up a storm in his gorgeous sequined suit while Ellie just slaps on some underwear and gets dropped from a height onto a rubber gym mat. I mean, which act was more deserving of a sustained Top 20 presence? (I’ll thank you not to answer that to the 100,000 or so people who bought the Goulding single).